P. J.

I dropped Jamie off in front of the English building where Kayla and Brandi were waiting for her on the steps. I always feel a pang of jealousy when I see her with her girlfriends, specially Kayla. I know I shouldn't worry about the two of them being friends, but they are both smart and femmes, and I'm a butch dyke. I guess I'm not really that butchlike, but I'm definitely not femme. In fact, the one and only time I've worn a dress since I was a little girl, was at our senior prom. That was a great night. I let out a sigh, anyway, sometimes, I still feel like I'm not in Jamie's league. 

When I first caught Jamie staring at me during our senior year in high school, I had been surprised and very wary. I was a trouble making loser, trying to get her life turned around so I didn't end up in jail or rehab. I couldn't imagine why a popular cheerleader like Jamie would want to have anything to do with me.

It seemed to have started the first time she saw me working at McDonald's. It was like something went off in her head and she really saw me for the first time.

I had had a crush on her since ninth grade. I had suspected before then that I liked girls, but I was already having issues about my dad walking out on me and my mom. I didn't want to believe I was gay. I didn't need anything else to worry about.

My dad left on my twelveth birthday. He said he was going out for a pack of cigarettes or beer or something and then never came back. Mom thought something bad had happened to him until her brother saw him in a bar in Louisville with another chick. I was so sad when I thought he was dead. I had always thought that we were close. He always took me to do stuff with him. We camped and fished together all the time. When I found out he had left us for another women, that was it. I hated him, hated women, hated men, hated life. That was when I started hanging around with Derek Kruger and his croonies.

Thinking about Derek made my eye twitch. He had caused me a lot of problems before Jamie and I hooked up. Then,Jamie's ex-boyfriend, Todd paid him to video of me and Jamie making out for the first time,and he posted it on YouTube and Facebook. When he did that, he went beyond being a punk, to being a criminal. He'd gotten six months in jail and a year probabtion for his involvement in all that. Todd had gotten a year suspended because he had a better lawyer than Derek did.

A guy on a bike cut across in front of me as I was driving through campus, forcing me to slam on my brakes. I decided I needed to stop thinking about the past and my worries, and focus on driving. Besides, Jamie loves me and I know she does. I don't need to worry about any other chicks hitting on her.

I arrived at work fifteen minutes early, like I always do.  This job at Kinkos had been the best thing that ever happened to me, well, other than Jaimie. It was a lot easier than working at McDonald's or Markhum's. Plus, I was getting to do stuff with graphic arts, which I loved. Granted, it didn't pay as much as Markhum's would have, but you can't put a price on doing something you love.

My manager, Greg Duggar was already there getting set up to do a large run of brochures for one of the churches in town.  I started getting the cash register drawers ready so we could count the money before we put the cash registers.

"Hey, P. J.," Greg said. "I've got a project for you."

"Okay," I said, setting the drawers on his desk in the back. "Whatcha need?"

"A new client came in and asked if we could create a logo for his new company," Greg said. "I'm going to put you in charge of creating it."

"Really?" I said, surprised that he would give me a big project like this. I'd only been working there for six months, and mostly just as a copy printer and cashier. Although, I had helped him create some logos before.
"Yep, I've seen your artwork and I think you can do this," he said. "After we count the money and get the registers ready, Mary should be here and I can go over the project with you."

"Awesome!" I said, "I'm so honored that you are giving me this chance."

Greg put his hand on my shoulder. "You are a very talented artist, P. J. and I think you will do a great job with this project."

Later that morning, when I was on break, I texted Jamie about my project. It was going to be challenging because the client was a cattle farmer and he wanted a cattle head some how included in the logo.
Jamie texted me back, "That's awesome, Babe. Can't wait to see what you come up with. Kayla and Brandi want to come by to study tonight, you care?"

"That's cool. What we doing for dinner? Do you need me to stop and get anything." I wrote back. I was crazing hamburgers, maybe I would just swing into McDonald's and pick something up.

She wrote back that she didn't care and that it was up to me. I decided it was hamburgers from McD's and she was cool with that. It still surprised me the ease with which our life had become so domesticated. We had an easy partnership and I hoped it stayed like that.


Later that night, when I got home from work, Kayla, Brandi, and Jamie were sitting on the floor in front of the couch. They had their homework spread out on the coffee table and each one had their nose buried in the English Lit textbook. Jamie looked up at me and smiled when I closed the door.

"Thank God! I'm starving," she said. She got up from the floor and came over to me. She took one of the bags of food and kissed me lightly lips. "You want to eat or get a shower first?"

"Eat," I said.

Kayla and Brandi jumped to help us put the food on plates so we could all sit down in the living room and eat. We had no more than gotten started when there was a knock at the door. I got up and looked through the peep hole. It was Lori and she didn't look happy.

I opened the door. "Hey, what's up?"

"My parents are threatening to throw me out," Lori said, and wiped a tear that had escaped her eye.

"What?" I gasped. "Why?"

"Because I'm gay." Lori stated. She dropped her head, "I don't know what I'm going to do."

I took her hand and pulled her into the apartment. "Come on," I said. "Let's sit down and talk about this."

I led her into the living room, where everyone was sitting. "Have you eaten?" I asked.

"I can't eat," Lori said. "I've been sick to my stomach all day."

"What's going on?" Jamie asked.

Lori run her fingers through her hair. "I guess one of my mom's friends say me kiss some girl. It was at the game against Murray State Saturday night. This chick, Mandy invited me to go to a tailgate party with her and her friends. We were listening to the game on the radio, playing Monopoly and eating hotdogs behind some guy's truck. He was parked in the parking lot on the other side of the baseball field. We were all just having a good time." Lori looked up at us as we all listened. "Mandy sit in my lap and started kissing me, lauching a bunch of hooping and hollering from her friends. She's straight and was just playing around." Lori sighed, "Apparently, one of mom's church friends was driving by the parking lot and saw her kissing me. She called mom freaking out about it. When I got home last night, Mom went off on me."

"Bummer," Brandi said.

"For real," Kayla agreed.

Jamie got up and sat on the couch net to Lori. "So what did she actually say?"

"She said that if I continued living my sinful lifestyle, I was going to have to find a new home. She said that she had hoped it was just a phase I was going through but she could see that I was very troubled and needed help," Lori said bitterly.

"Was your dad agreeing with her?" I asked.

"Dad never disagrees with Mom, but he wasn't home. He's at a conference in Atlanta."

"So bascially she's saying that you have to stop being gay, or she's going to put you on the street?" Jamie asked.

"Yes," Lori answered.

I looked at Jamie, who looked at me sadly. She come real close to goign through something similar.

Fortunately, Jamie's dad got her mother calmed down. I hoped Jamie felt the same way as I did about this situation and I said, "You can stay will us for awhile if you need to."

"Absolutely," Jamie exclaimed, completely agreeing with me.

"I can't impose on you guys," Lori said.

"What are you going to do then?" Jamie asked.

Lori looked up at her, tears brimming her eyes. "I don't know."

Jamie put her arm around Lori and pulled her into an embrace. I sat on the arm of the couch and gently rubbed her back. "Stay here tonight," I said. "Do you have any clothes with you?"

"I've got some in the car," she said, wiping a tear and sniffing.

Kayla got up, went to the bathroom, and come back with some toilet paper. She handed it to Lori. "P. J. is right. You should stay here tonight. When does your dad get back in town?"

"He won't be back until the weekend, but him being home won't change anything. What Mom says is law." Lori wiped her. "I can't believe she would actually throw me out of the house, but she really might. She has become more and more involved in this evangelitical church thing. Her opinions have gotten stronger about a lot of things. She is absolutlely convinced I'm pretending to be gay to piss her off."

"That is ridiculous," Brandi snorted. "I mean I've heard about chicks playing around with other girls just for the hell of it, like the chick that kissed you and started all this shit. But, you are one of the gayest girls I know and I know you aren't doing it just for fun. You love women and there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong, is your mother throwing her daughter out on the street for being who she is."

"That's right," Kayla said.

"Thanks guys," Lori said, reaching out her hand so both of them could grab it. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you guys. My sister is trying to be there for me but Mom has got her thumb on her." She sighed and pulled her hand back after Brandi and Kayla had both squeezed it. "I just need to figure out what I'm going to do. School is paid for because of my scholarship, thank God. But, I'll have to figure out something about a place to live if she really throws me out."

"Well, you can stay here as long as you need to," Jamie said, looking up at me.

"That's right," I confirmed. "You can crash here as long as you like."

She looked up at us, relief showly slightly behind the sadness. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."