Wednesday, January 9, 2013


What P.J. said about needing to get laid made me wonder why I hadn't done that for awhile. I've had several hot girls after me but I just wasn't interested. I'm not really sure what is wrong with me. I'm enjoying my time hanging out with Jayden and he's hinted around several times that he'd like to date me. Strangely, I've actually considered it. It's not like I haven't had boyfriends before. I dated guys until I was a senior in high school and Marianne Wesley blew my mind by French kissing me on a dare at a party. I can't say that I didn't enjoy having sex with a guy, although the first time with Tommy Engles had sucked pretty good.

I've been feeling this restless yearning for something that seems to be just beyond my reach. I don't know if it's because I miss being at home or if I need something that is missing in my life. I just can't put my finger on what it is. That's why I've considered dating Jayden. He's cute and I like him a lot. I can't say that he really stirs sexual feelings in me, but I haven't really tried looking at him that way, or thinking about him that way.

I'm not all that sure how my parents would feel about dating a black guy but at least I would be dating a guy and maybe me and Mom could make amends.

The other problem is Kayla. I like Kayla a lot but I'm not her type and she probably thinks I'm nothing but a whore dog, which has been mostly true. The other thing with Kayla is that I would have to commit to her completely and I'd have to be able to convince her that I was committed to her completely, which I'm afraid would never happen. Not that I couldn't commit to her, I'm just afraid she would never believe that I could be completely committed.

God, I'm so confused. I would love to talk to P.J. about how I'm feeling but I'm afraid she'll flip out on me. Especially because Kayla is Jamie's friend and I'm sure her and P.J. would be worried that I would hurt Kayla. And they will probably think I've lost my mind if I tell them I'm thinking about dating Jayden. Christ, what should I do?

Just then my cellphone rang, it was Jayden. "Hey Sweet Thing, whatchya doing?"

"Just hanging out," I said, putting the notebook and textbook I'd been staring at uselessly for the past hour away.

"Hey, there's a party off campus tomorrow night. You wanna go with?"

"Sure," I said. I hadn't been to a party since I'd moved in with Jamie and P.J. Maybe this was just what I needed.


What Jamie asked about Lori made me really start paying attention to what she was doing. It was interesting because she seemed to constantly pick at Kayla in a flirtatious way, like she liked her more than she wanted to let on. But, at the same time, the flirting between her and Jayden had turned more serious. Jayden was coming around a lot more with Brandi and I had seen the two of them walking together on campus. Of course, they were both jocks and they were both involved in a lot of sports events. Now that they had become friends, that would explain them hanging out with each other. But, it wasn't like Lori to not have some chick hanging on her arm at least once during the course of a week and I haven't seen her with a girl hanging on her in the two weeks since she started hanging out with Jayden.

We are having our weekly pizza session tonight. Brandi and Kayla are coming over. Hopefully Jayden is not, since it's supposed to be study session as well as a pizza party. Jamie and I both liked this night of the week because it didn't involve cooking.

Afterwork, I picked up Jamie and Lori from campus and headed to the apartment. Lori was being quieter than usual. Jamie was telling me about an English paper we were all going to be required to do. She and I tried to get similar paper assignments because it really helped me for us to work on our papers together.

Kayla was waiting for us when we got to the apartment. She got out of her car and walked with us. She noticed that Lori was being very quiet and began poking her in the side. "What's up with you, Jock? No girls groveling at your feet this week?"

"No," Lori said glumly. "I wasn't in the mood this week."

Kayla raised an eyebrow. "Oh, that time of the month?"

"Maybe," Lori said.

Kayla looked at me and Jamie with a questioning look. This was not our usual Lori. Lori almost always was cheerful and playful. But I had noticed that she had become more and more withdraw over the last week.

When we got up stairs, I corned Lori in the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged. "I miss my sister. I miss my room. I miss my dad. I don't miss Mom much. I guess it's just really hitting me that she really threw me out."

I pulled her into a hug. "It sucks, Man. But, you know your sister and Dad are welcome to come see you here anytime."

"I know," she said sadly. "It's just not the same."

I nodded. I couldn't imagine being thrown out of my parents house in the middle of college. If she had a girlfriend, maybe she wouldn't be so unhappy about not being at home. "Why don't you hook up with someone and bring them by this weekend. Maybe you're just in need of a good lay," I said with a wink.

That actually brought out a grin. "Maybe," she said. "We'll see."