Sunday, February 17, 2013

P. J.

I was sitting on the couch working on a drawing for my art class when Lori came home. She came into the living room with a large vase filled with red roses. "Sit on the loveseat, please, I can't mess this picture up," I said and put my charcoal pencil in my mouth while I took the edge of a paper towel to smear some of the charcoal to create a shadow on a tree in the picture.

Lori put the vase on the coffee table in front of me and sat down on the loveseat.

Looking over the top of my drawing pad, I asked, "What are those for?"

"It's our second month anniversary," she said with a smile.

"They're pretty," I said and went back to drawing.

She was fidgeting with the bottom edge of her t-shirt. I watched her from behind my pad. She seemed very nervous about something. I was afraid I already knew what but I asked anyway. "What' wrong?"

Lori turned her blue eyes toward me. She took a deep breath and said, "Jayden is bugging me about having sex."

That threw me off. I was expecting her to say that she thought she was making a mistake dating Jayden and didn't know how to get out of it. "You haven't had sex with him yet?"

"Why would you think I'd had sex with him already?"

"Well," I said, putting my drawing pad and pencil down. "You usually sleep with most of your dates on the first date."

"Yeah, but it's different with girls. I can't get pregnant from having sex with a girl and this is more serious," she said. She looked away from me and stared at the flowers.

"More serious?"

"He wants to meet my parents and he wants me to meet his parents over Thanksgiving," she said.

"Wow," I said. "That is pretty serious. How  do you feel about that?"


"Well, yeah. Do your parents know he mixed?"

Lori nodded. "I showed them a picture of the two of us together. My mother was skeptical but thrilled that I had a boyfriend. She said she knew I'd come to my senses."

"Is that what you've done?" I asked cautiously.

"No!" Lori got up and went to the window looking out into the parking lot. "I like Jayden a lot. He's funny. We have a lot in common. He treats me really good. I guess I'm just afraid it's too good to be true." She said turning back to me.

"And, what about the sex thing?"

"I went on the pill right after we started dating, but I'm still terrified of getting pregnant."

I picked my pad back up and studied it. "So make sure he wears a condom."

She came over and sat down next to me. "I haven't been with a guy since high school," she confessed.

"Are you afraid it will hurt?" I asked, a little at a loss as to what exactly she was afraid of.

Sighing, she dropped her head into her hands. "Maybe, I don't know. It's weird that its okay to sleep with a girl the first day I meet her and with a guy I feel like we should wait until we get married or have at least been dating several months."

I furrowed my eyebrows thoughtfully. "Do you think it might be your upbringing? Although, it does sound a little like a double standard there."

Lori looked up at me and laughed. "Yeah, I guess so." Shaking her head, she said, "I just don't want to screw up my life by getting pregnant."

"If it's really worrying you, tell him you're not ready. Either he'll wait or he'll break up with you."

She let out another heavy sigh. "That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to lose him."

I sat back and studied her. "This is so weird. You have never been interested in having a serious relationship with someone, why now? I thought you wanted to enjoy college and sow your wild oats."

"I did, but, I don't know. There's just something about him. I'm not sure he's the one but he's the right one right now." She looked at me, her eyes looking as confused as I felt. "You know what I mean?"

"Sort of," I said, but I didn't really. I'd have to talk to Jamie about this later to see if she could make heads or tails out of what Lori was saying.

There was a knock at the door and then it opened. Kayla came in, her head bobbing to whatever song she was listening to her on her iPod. She looked up and saw Lori. The look of hurt and confusion that I had seen on her face the last several times I'd see these two together appeared briefly and was replaced by a fake smile. "Hey girls!" She took one of the ear buds out. "What's up?"

"Just talking," Lori said vaguely.

I watched Lori take in Kayla's disheveled appearance before turning away. "Jamie will be home in about fifteen minutes."

"I know," she said. "I just talked to her. I'm going to go into the kitchen and set up for us to work on this paper. You two go back to whatever it was you were doing." She put the ear bud back in, started bobbing her head again and went into the kitchen.

Lori didn't seem to notice that I was watching her watch Kayla. Now, I'm more confused than ever. Clearly Lori has feelings for Kayla but she's dating Jayden. I don't think she really knows what the hell she wants.

Lori looked at me and then away. We both jumped when her phone rang. She looked at the screen to see who it was and then answered it. "Hey, Sweetie."

I couldn't hear what Jayden was saying but I could hear his harsh tone.

"I'm at home," Lori said, a frown pulling hard at her lips. "I came straight home. I've been here at least fifteen minutes."

I gave her a raised eyebrow when she looked up at me and mouthed, "What the fuck?"

"Jayden, I didn't stop anywhere on my way here and why are you tripping?" She got up and started pacing. "Excuse me. Do you think I'm going to allow you to start telling me who I can and cannot talk to?"

Kayla stood in the doorway watching Lori pace. I got up and went into the kitchen to get a Mountain Dew. "What's up with the love birds?" she asked.

"Sounds like he's trying to be a little controlling," I said, opening the refrigerator door.

"Humph," Kayla snorted. "Typical asshole behavior."

I nodded in agreement. By the time I came back into the living room, the conversation had changed.

"I know you love me and you just worry but there's no need, okay?"  She turned to me and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you too."

"Dudes," she said putting her phone down.

"Yep," Kayla said and went into the kitchen. Her phone rang and we could here bits and pieces of her conversation and it was interesting to see the look on Lori's face as she seemed to be trying really hard to hear what Kayla was saying without looking like she was trying to listen.

"Yeah," Kayla said. "I can meet you at DUC later." "How about at seven? I should be done here by then." "Okay, sounds great. I love bowling. Okay I'll see you then."

Lori got up. "I left my backpack down in the car. I'll be back." She got up and opened the door just as Jamie was coming in.

"Where you going?" Jamie asked.

"To get my backpack," Lori said.

"You're going to help us with this paper, right?"

"Yeah, I just need to get my notes." Lori turned and trotted down the stairs.

Jamie walked across the room, leaned over the couch and kissed me on the lips. "Hey, Babe." She kissed me again. "You going to sit in on this study session?"

"Yeah, my paper is almost done but it needs some finishing touches." I got up and followed Jamie into the kitchen. This was the first time that Kayla and Lori have spent very much time together since Lori stared dating Jayden. It should be interesting to see how they get along.


P. J. and I were stunned when Lori came home a few weeks ago and announced that she and Jayden had started dating. We both sat down with her and talked about what she was doing but she seemed damned determined that she was doing the right thing.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of Jayden. From what I've seen of him so far, he's a typical jock who has chicks all over him on a pretty regular basis. I can't figure out what sparked his interest in Lori. The other girls I've seen him out with were much more feminine. Lori says they have a lot in common and spend most of their time talking about sports. That is probably true, but I don't understand why he started coming around after almost a year of us being friends with Brandi. And, I don't understand Lori's sudden interest in being with a guy. She has always had girlfriends. The only thing I can come up with is that she is trying to get back in her parents good graces.

Regards of what is really going on, P. J. and I are trying to be there for Lori. We don't want her to believe we will stop being her friend just because she's dating a guy. We both really like Lori. She's fun to hangout with and much smarter than she gives herself credit for.

Brandi and Kayla, however, are having a much harder time with Lori switching teams. Kayla, I know is having a hard time because she has a crush on Lori. Brandi is just flat pissed off because she switched teams, especially with her brother.

All of this drama just really sucks, especially since we are coming into the holiday season. Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away. P. J. and I are going home to visit our parents. We are actually going to stay at P. J.'s parents house because my mother is still not comfortable with us sleeping together in my old room. I may actually spend one night over there so I can have a good long visit with her and Dad. They both still make P.J. uncomfortable.

After Thanksgiving, we will all be cramming for finals and we are planning to have a small Christmas party at our apartment with some of out other gay friends. It's going to be interesting to see how that party goes. There will be a few other straight couples there who are also our friends, but there are going to be some other lesbians there who are not going to be happy about Lori switching teams. We'll just have to see how things go.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I had my back turned to the door when Lori came in. Jamie and I were sitting on the couch with my laptop working on our homework for English. Jamie looked over her shoulder. "Hey, Lori."

"Hey," Lori said. She dropped her backpack next to the loveseat and then plopped down on it.

I could feel her staring at me but I was not going to look at her. She had broken the cardinal lesbian rule, as far as I was concerned, and started dating a guy, an arrogant jackass at that. I know I shouldn't say that about a friend's brother, but Brandi's brother, Jayden is a jerk and I personally think he's just dating Lori to say he converted a lesbian.

And, I was mad at myself for letting myself develop a crush on her. I should have know better. She will not ever be attracted to someone like me. I'm just a computer geek.

"Whatchya guys doing?" Lori asked leaning over and looking at the screen.

"Homework," I said, a little more snippy than I had intended.

Jamie and Lori both gave me a questionig look. Lori sat back. "Sorry I asked."

I wasn't going to apologize. In fact, I needed to get out of her presence. "I need to get home," I said and started to get up.

Jamie pulled me back down and gave me a stern look. "We have to finish this." She looked at Lori. "We're working on the essay about Homer. Have you finished yours?"

"Mostly, Jayden helped me with it."

I pulled deeper within myself and bit my lip from making a smart-aleck comment.

I could see Lori studying me out of the corner of my eye. "I'm going to go fix myself something to eat," she said and got off the loveseat.

I didn't look up when she walked out of the room. I kept my eyes on the computer screen and typed some more information into the essay.

"What is your problem?" Jamie hissed.

"What?" I said evasively.

"You have been hateful to her for almost two weeks." I didn't say anything. Jamie took hold of my chin and made me look at her. "You really did like her, didn't you," she whispered.

I gave a slight nod and looked away.

Jamie sighed."Okay, let's wrap this up for today. We'll work on it again tomorrow at school.

"I'll work on it some more at home," I said. I saved what we had done and shut off my laptop. Jamie was still giving me a questioning look. I leaned closer and said quietly, "I'm having a hard time with her dating Jayden. I can't believe she switched teams."

Jamie nodded and looked toward the kitchen where Lori was making a bunch of noise fixing something to eat. "Me neither. I honestly don't think it will last. I think she is very confused right now and we need to be here for her."

I gritted my teeth but nodded. Jamie was right. We were supposed to be Lori's friends. I really should try to understand what she might be going through. It's not her fault I developed a stupid crush on her. "I still need to go though. I'm supposed to cook dinner for everyone tonight."

"Okay," Jamie said. She got up off the couch too and walked with me to the door. She gave my back a light rub and said. "I'll see you in the morning."

"See ya then," I said and left the apartment. I walked slowly to my car. I really needed to think about finding someone to date instead of obsessing over Lori. It would never work between us anyway.

I put my backpack in the backseat, crawled into the driver's seat, and called one of the guys from my computer class. When he answered I said, "Hey, it's Kayla. Do you remember telling me about that chick from the computer lab that you said I should hook up with?" He said he did. "She still interested?"